SL Relationships real? fake?

For the Discussion of the Gorean Lifestyle.

What sort of SL relationship do you have (main relationship)

How I feel in SL is how in RL - please explain
18
21%
How I feel in SL is how in RL - please explain
18
21%
IC only - I keep RL and SL seperate - please explain
10
12%
IC only - I keep RL and SL seperate - please explain
10
12%
Other - please explain
15
17%
Other - please explain
15
17%
 
Total votes: 86
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All Sunday
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby All Sunday » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:15 pm

I think the lack of "touch" can be really frustrating after a while, sure at the start it seems pretty enough to see the other type or even the voice... and gasp... the face but I think skin contact expresses much much more.

Personally I don't know any relationship like that remain online only, I would really see it hard happening.
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Pepper
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Pepper » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:22 pm

Tit wrote:So what sort of relationships do you have with your RP partner, SL partner or other..?


All of the above. I've roleplayed the intended of a man played by my best friend, which was strictly IC. I was lied to about what I thought was an OOC-heading-to-RL relationship. I've had a strictly OOC-SL-relationship that I enjoyed in SL but had no desire to take anything to RL with him. And now I have a very real relationship with a man I captured as a panther two years ago. He moved in with me a year later and we just got engaged last December.

Personally, from my experience, whether you tag a relationship as OOC only or not, the feelings are very real. The relationship still needs to be nurtured and cared for just like a real one. I think its the most challenging kind of relationship to have in SL since there are so many different ways it could go. One partner will usually want more at some point in time.
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Elle Couerblanc
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Elle Couerblanc » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:24 pm

I am new to Gor but not to SL and over the past 4 years I have had 4 significant relationships. One transitioned into RL but ended quickly due to him being less than honest. We still talk on occassion - generally if he is in some sort of crisis but for the most part I am fairly emotional detached.

Another one was largely a friendship but we were very close. He is a probably one of the most well known and controversial figures in second life, is much sought after by the ladies and this largely impacted our huge ups and downs. The falling out with him was the roughest of all of my relationships and it wasn't even close to being a huge romance. For a period of time, we were miserably on the outs but now I am happy to say he is again a good friend. We are not as close as we were in the past and probably never will be but I am happy in knowing if I ever need a friend he is there to listen to me whine LOL.

I recently experienced my first Gorean relationship and in many ways I felt closer to him any other man in SL, even the man I meant in RL. But because circumstances, we are now apart and now I must move on without him in my role play and in my slife.

For me, the feelings were the same SL and RL but these were largely OOC relationships - well for most of them I wasn't involved in any type of role play community (unless you count the fashionistas of SL role players, LOL). Strictly IC relationships (and yes I have had those) do not effect me emotionally. I am playing a part in a play so to speak with these IC interactions and oddly its easy for me to keep my emotional guard up.
"Old stories are like old friends. You have to visit them from time to time." Bran - A Storm of Swords, pg 315

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Bree
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Bree » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:42 pm

Hawt Sommer wrote:I did a poll on another forum: Blue Pill/ Red Pill - Fantasy / Reality

Most everyone here is for fantasy, The rest are looking for something real or at least open to it.


You do polls on OTHER FORUMS???? :spittake:

I feel so betrayed...

To answer the OP, I think I've always come at this from a different view. To give some background info I work during the summer months at the Renaissance Festival. I have a character that I play (think FW with a serious drinking problem and a bad attitude) and lots of people that I interact with. I've had great romances and dramas that left my head spinning and we do it all off the cuff. At one time I had a husband, he's since left me due to my extramarital affairs, but never in a million years would I feel "confused" and start thinking that the role I play with him is somehow real. I understand that actors do fall into this trap from time to time but for me personally there's a line that is pretty hard for me to rationally cross.

Now then, that's not to say I don't have feelings for the people online because frankly I chat far more than I rp. If I'm talking to someone in IM that's me. It's not Bree, or me as Bree, or Bree as me on Gor or some other such nonsense. And if I develope friendships with these people they are and always have been just as real as the people that I live close to. To me that's honestly the only difference... physical distance. Well I have a lot of friends that live down in New Orleans, family in Philadelphia, other family on his side in Arizona. So they're not real? Of course they are and so are the people here.

So with that, I cannot have an "online relationship" at least not in the sense that it's the same as my RL one but just online. Like Oor, I just don't get that. Luckily I still get to... have fun... :egrin:
"Everything is true. God's an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live." - Peloquin
Carter
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Carter » Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:02 pm

Very real, very intense and with the all the emotional ups and downs of a relationship in RL which I have shown and RP'd as IC aspects of my time and character with those who become close to me.

Conversely, when I have lost, been lied too, betrayed, misled... I have Rp'd those experiences as though they are IC experiences and RP'd the IC consequences of those situations.. lie to me IC, betray me IC and if I am to remain true to myself and the role I have created, I must RP the IC consequences of those relationships for myself and others as my character and a gorean man would...anything else would be a compromise.
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Elle Couerblanc
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Elle Couerblanc » Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:42 pm

Carter wrote:Very real, very intense and with the all the emotional ups and downs of a relationship in RL which I have shown and RP'd as IC aspects of my time and character with those who become close to me.


In some ways the loss of a SL relationship has been more painful for me than the ending of a RL one. Some may say "Well you must be a somewhat superficial person in RL to say something like that" - but from my perspective I dont see it that way. A wise friend of mine who has no experience in SL once said to me when I confided in her about the pain I was experiencing "it is almost like the death of dream - you have built up this idea of this person in your head and in heartbeat it is gone."

I think this statement is true along with the fact that when it comes to SL relationships there is normally just a beginning and then an end. We usually skip the middle part of a relationship - the adjustment phase where you really get to know the person, their habits and their way of living. There is no period where you slowly start to find them well, annyoing and disgusting, LOL. You never learn to dislike things about your partner such as the way they eat or the way they put on their socks and often the gradual moving apart. When I end a relationship in RL I am usually ready to move on but in SL its a bit different. The beginnings seem to often be grand and beautiful and with their being no middle, the endings are just as dramatic. Well this is my perception anyhow.
"Old stories are like old friends. You have to visit them from time to time." Bran - A Storm of Swords, pg 315

Visit me at Elle's World http://ellecouerblanc.com/
Hawt Sommer

Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Hawt Sommer » Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:45 pm

Elle Couerblanc wrote: There is no period where you slowly start to find them well, annyoing and disgusting, LOL. You never learn to dislike things about your partner such as the way they eat or the way they put on their socks and often the gradual moving apart.



Most of us all have different reasons for coming to SL:

Of course there are lonely people that are looking for RL. But for some this this can simply be entertainment and not looking for anything else. Some people want cheat on their spouse or that RL couple are living out a fantasy of swinging; they could be just screwing around in roleplay and have no interest in anything meaningful.

I think you all know that most everything you hear from anyone online is a fabrication or another.

Example: I am a real cheerleader for the Rams, But for some reason I spend 14 hours of my day on-line and my dog ate my webcam.

Without question, I would never tell anyone much about my real-life because I have a lot to lose. I used to meet people I met online years ago only to find disappointment. "Hi There!" the most hidious creature on earth said "I hope you are not mad but that was a fake picture". Now with the world of Cams and Voice you simply have to worry on whether they are a mass murderer or a someone who will be showing up at your work wearing a ball gown wanting to marry you.

SL Relationships Real or Fake?

Answer: They can be Emotionally Real, everything else is a simulation or deception until you are standing toe to toe- NORMALLY that results in you finding out that they aren't at all what you expected in some way or another.
Last edited by Hawt Sommer on Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Adam Zadeh
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Adam Zadeh » Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:47 pm

I find myself experiencing things in SL that I don't feel in RL. I like the way it feels to walk into the room and have instant command and attention. I like the control I have over my girl...but lets put all that aside.

For me at least I believe that our true personalities come out, or at least parts of it that may be hidden from even ourselves. The mousy housewife becomes the sexual slut, the shy accountant the warrior. It's a cliche yea, but you spend enough time in your charaters skin and before you know it the mousy wife starts to demand more satisfaction for herself in bed, the shy guy becomes a stronger man and gets the courage to ask for that raise.

Try as we might, we can only RP for so long before the real person starts to come out in the avatar. So is it possible to have a romantic feeling for that special someone. Yes, it is. That does not mean that if and when you met in RL that you will fall madly in love, but your getting to know the real person on SL.
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Legion
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Legion » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:51 pm

I have had relationships in the past, both platonic and bordering romantic/romantic to where my feelings are just as profound as caring for someone in RL. I have cried and grieved when I have been betrayed and hurt by these very people, especially one who really affected me as I vascillated between him and a RL guy, both of whom were very detrimental to my mental health. I have had relationships/friendships where I believe everything is perfect until someone else comes into the picture and they just completely loose sense of their faculties or they begin to deceive me.

Point is, on a certain level, SL relationships are both superficial and profound, depending on the seriousness and measure of how you treat them. I have discovered that too many people tend to become selfish in this medium to the point of neglecting that there is a person behind the pixels.

I am not saying I am not the exception, but I make the conscious effort to remember that the people I interact with on SL are people and the relationships I am in, I care for them. I would say that what Eve and I have is very, very real.
"Man needs as much liberation as woman." - Osho
NoneSpecified

Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby NoneSpecified » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:58 pm

I think that the feelings we have behind the keyboard are often real but the subjects of those feelings are varying degrees of fake. For example, I am not a 7'4" Gorean Master Assassin in RL. Anyone who has RL feelings for that character has them predicated on an elaborate play, i.e., a roleplay, one which we all voluntarily participate in, but which is nonetheless not real. In my opinion that makes the "relationship" no more real than the feelings you might develop for say the actor in your favorite movie.

On the other hand, if someone has feelings for me, the man behind the keyboard, that is different. Impossible though really because there is so much of our real lives that we hide when we go online--hence the reason for the elaborate roleplaying, or escape from our real lives--that you really cannot know the person. I have experienced feelings for people in game only to realize that they were not who they represented themselves to be in RL. What it taught me was that despite what the heart might be telling us, online relationships are varying degrees of not real given the ethereal nature of the participants despite that the feelings are well meaning and usually very real.

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