SL Relationships real? fake?

For the Discussion of the Gorean Lifestyle.

What sort of SL relationship do you have (main relationship)

How I feel in SL is how in RL - please explain
18
21%
How I feel in SL is how in RL - please explain
18
21%
IC only - I keep RL and SL seperate - please explain
10
12%
IC only - I keep RL and SL seperate - please explain
10
12%
Other - please explain
15
17%
Other - please explain
15
17%
 
Total votes: 86
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Tit
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SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Tit » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:13 am

I'm of the opinion that no one but the persons involved in a relationship have the right to decide what's right or wrong. However I am curious about what sorts of relationships people have in sl. OOC, IC, RL, SL only, etc..

So what sort of relationships do you have with your RP partner, SL partner or other..?
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Charlotte
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Charlotte » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:23 am

I've had relationships that were more intensive OOC than they were IC, and relationships that were more intensive IC than OOC.

Best example is my off-gor av and a very close OOC guy friend. IC we were passionately in love. OOC we were never more than friends. Very, very close friends, but friends.

Theres no one answer, to relationships, no relationship with one person will be like another with another person.
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Aseptimus
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Aseptimus » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:56 am

This isn't the first time this question has come up, and I'm not sure it is that well phrased. I think part of the difficulty there is that there are at least 3 types of relationships - IC on SL, OOC on SL, and RL. Can cause issues since some people believe that any personal relationship regardless of immediacy (i.e. email, virtual, telephone etc) is real if it is based on and interacted as real emotional attachment. I hold with this. I firmly believe that a relationship is not made real by physical immediacy but by the real emotional basis behind it. There are those who disagree with me, and feel that any relationship that is not explicitly RL is not RL regardless of whether or not they are personally emotionally invested.
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Melchior Wardell
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Melchior Wardell » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:58 am

Perhaps odd to respond while my username is Crow in these gorums, since he was never OOC involved in any relationship that went beyond friendschip. In some of my female avi's I did developo feelings that were very much real. However I never went with them to Reallife as to develop a physical relationship.

The first time I ever experienced the fact that I could truly fall in love with someone else, while I knew nothing of his real him, was when I was owned by Byron. I think that because he broke my heart by leaving without a word, I have shielded myself more for those real feelings. I never quite experienced the same with anyone else after that. Perhaps it was because I finally felt the limitations of a virtual relationships.

I have felt strong feelings for a very few people and thankfully they are still good friends. But I am not here to search for a relationship that is beyond this virtual world. So I think I might limit those feelings because of one bad experience or haven't found that 'one special person' that can make me experience what I felt with Byron.

The partners I have in my characters are mostly just IC and I doubt I will go beyond anything than friendship OOC, because there are to many that like to play games with those very delicate and sincere feelings of love. It is best to keep it with friends ... although I am very much aware that when it comes to matters of the heart we at times can't stop that what we feel, how silly it might be.
...

Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby ... » Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:15 am

Aseptimus wrote:This isn't the first time this question has come up, and I'm not sure it is that well phrased. I think part of the difficulty there is that there are at least 3 types of relationships - IC on SL, OOC on SL, and RL. Can cause issues since some people believe that any personal relationship regardless of immediacy (i.e. email, virtual, telephone etc) is real if it is based on and interacted as real emotional attachment. I hold with this. I firmly believe that a relationship is not made real by physical immediacy but by the real emotional basis behind it. There are those who disagree with me, and feel that any relationship that is not explicitly RL is not RL regardless of whether or not they are personally emotionally invested.


Pretty much this. I have developed feelings for people I've met online (I met my current partner online) but those feelings are not distinguishable from "RL" feelings for me, so now that my partner and I are together in RL, that doesn't suddenly "free up" emotional "online stuff" for someone else. I find the separation quite hard to fathom when it's like "I have my RL partner and my OOC partner and my SL partner and my IC partner and they're all different people and the degree to which they are emotionally important to me is vatiable." The only two I understand, and the way I separate, is RL and IC... those can co-exist to me because one of them is fiction.

That's not to say I don't flirt, and it's not to say I think people who do it differently are doing it "wrong". That's just how I do it :)
Hawt Sommer

Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Hawt Sommer » Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:16 am

I don't really go there. It's about the roleplay and entertainment of the environment.

Sure you can make real friends here, but rarely would I ever consider going to see someone. Normally they are hours away by plane... or driving.

I did a poll on another forum: Blue Pill/ Red Pill - Fantasy / Reality

Most everyone here is for fantasy, The rest are looking for something real or at least open to it.
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All Sunday
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby All Sunday » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:10 am

I am glad to meet people IC and if all went super awesome... why not? Best buds... or something alike. The people in SL I would meet in RL if possible are 3 and I know them since 06 and it's like they know me more than I do myself sometimes but they are indeed far.

No love thanks. If I even get the hint the other person is going that way OOC total shut down. I try to control this in Im's when the person on the other side goes from flirty to flirty 99% changing the topic and might have to end to the inevitable "No".

I don't have anything against those loooking for more but doing it in RP is dangerous and unfair.
Erik
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Erik » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:32 am

"Relationships" in SL are as real as the participants make it. But also, "relationships" in SL are just as fluid as they are in RL. One could say this very question is a "can of worms", but one could also say it's a curiosity practically everyone has.

My own answers are: refering to the above: as real or role-play-only as the participants, which the ratio of IC-only to Full-OOC can vary between each each relationship. They all are fluid and in some cases: even volitile (as in fragile like nitroglycerin) and can go from euphoria (in the case of a more intimate version) to all-out armageddon between the same participants. We've all seen THAT before.

In short, the answer to the OP question is, for the most part, a fast-moving target. :)

Each participant must asnwer this question for themselves. And sometimes, one participant isn;t fully sure how the other participant genuinely feels or where that participmant places the relationship from their perspective.

I reiterate: moving target (even for the participants themselves).

EDIT to add: I *know* my "other participant" will read this. Now I guess I'll go bite my nails until I hear about it! Gee, OP, thanks a lot! :P
Last edited by Erik on Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Tit
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Tit » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:33 am

“So what sort of relationships do you have with your RP partner, SL partner or other..?”

I don’t think I phrased it badly, just left it very very open. The Poll though meh.. so many people say that they keep IC and OOC separate that I was curious if people might feel that way on a deeper level and not just about RP.

I have had a number of relationships in SL, but I don’t suppose that is surprising as I’ve been ‘in game’ for over 4 years. My RL has made me a tad cynical and only the first relationship in SL went RL, but at that point we became friends, and still are very good friends. After that there were a few others all of which ended badly and who although I feel no animosity now (years later mind) there was a lot of drama and hurt from all sides.

When I came to Gor I was getting over a SL relationship which was OOC. I was therefore was very careful to keep things IC only. This worked pretty well with my first 2 Masters (when I first came to SL Gor I was only playing a slave character). Until I met someone who wanted more, 2 very short, sweet mixture of OOC and IC and painful flings later I was back to avoiding men with regards to OOC ties. (aside from friendship that is).

My then friend and I decided to start RPing a storyline together. He is probably my favourite RPer to date, we had been friends OOC and enemies IC for a long time when we began the storyline, myself using a different avi. It ended us with us together IC and over time the lines blurred and it has became more OOC but not RL. RL for him is impossible, and I am 100% sure that he would not consider going RL with me even if I lived in his country. Currently however the person who was my RP partner both IC and OOC isn’t in active RP, which at times leaves me at a loss. I’m not looking for love online but I think human nature makes us seek it out when we feel the inkling of feeling, the tendrils of caring too addictive to leave.

Is there any point in an online only relationship?
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Melchior Wardell
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Re: SL Relationships real? fake?

Postby Melchior Wardell » Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:10 pm

Tit wrote:Is there any point in an online only relationship?


Is there a point in a reallife relationship ? And if so aren't they just as selfish as they are when you develop an online one ? It is a very valid question and if I think of it, the point would be for me that I can experience feelings that are amazing and wonderful. Regardless if they are online or offline so to speak. Online might not have all the wonders of an intimate relationship in reallife, but can still be very much rewarding when your able to share joy - pain and anything in between. To have a partner that is there for you and shares that same emotion.

But again I might be too naieve in all this and I can't say I am very experienced in all of this either.

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