A Ubar's confessional.

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Darius of Turia
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Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:15 am
SL Name: Darius Vayandar
Caste: Red
Role: Ubar no more!
Home Stone: City of Turia
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A Ubar's confessional.

Postby Darius of Turia » Sat Jul 19, 2014 7:28 pm

I am writing this post as a reflection and realization over the last four months I have been on hiatus. When i severed my time in Gor at the beginning it was weird. It was odd seeing things from an outside view once again. I had almost forgotten what it was like.

When you run a Sim that matters to you, its hard to govern it. Its almost the pure definition of conflict of interest. But unfortunately as the person who does the work there are few who are willing to do it with you. The people who did stand by me all these years were amazing people that most of you, if any, never got to know. The only thing you saw of us was an outside view. I have now truly been on both sides and there is a lesson here that i learned in which i will always carry with me. Everyone has more facets to them selves then you will ever see. Some will only see their anger. Some will only see their love. Some will only see their cold shoulder. But all of us will rarely truly ever get to know every facet of a person. But with my time off i feel my field of view of those facets around me has widened, and my new perspective also showed me the different facets of myself that my fanatical devotion to my city had blinded me to.

With this new realization I am able to truly reflect on my actions over the past three years. So I am coming here to make a few admissions and give a bit of information. I will not ask to be forgiven on my mistakes, i simply wish to speak them and make it known.

To Anarch - We were friendly at one time but our views on things dont mesh. You are still a jerk. Aside from that you were right with the situation in the SoS. The alliance set up was completely absurd in the end. it was more OOC then an IC alliance like it was meant to be. 90% of the time the sims that were less ic only in the alliance would run away with ooc votes and ruin potential rp in the future for others. I hate what it had become and im happy its tapered off now. I also agree with you that there were too many rp bans and invalids in the fights that had occurred. I have personally flown off the cuff far too many times in many of these situations and i am sorry for my behavior in my haste and anger. I had such great ideals. I had such high hopes, but through my fault and those around me we destroyed our own dreams. I do believe wrong was done on both sides and there are things i could say to you that you would never really understand or accept, so i am saying this for my own side. The rest does not matter.

Theo & Tor - You were part of the AC group and/or close to them. I admit this was a time of some of my greatest anger moments. Too many times i went too far, thinking i had the best intent. Feeling like i knew better and could direct a situation with more skill and knowlage then the others. In this i fell into my own trap of attempted dictatorship. As for good intentions, well we all know what the road to hell is paved with. I acted like a fool and an ass. I ruined a roleplay story like war that was great fun, i should have put more effort into resolving the situation but instead i manipulated it. I also ruined roleplay between myself and a couple of members of AC on a personal level that i should have handled differntly. I am sorry for the greif i have put you guys through regarding any and all of these situations.

I cant recall every situation or problem i have caused or been involved in with in the time i have been playing but i mention those that were really long standing for me. So for others who have had issue with me then i hope my words reach you and some understanding can be had.

In conclusion I will say that Turia is not gone. It is coasting along right now as is. Soon there will be a completely new sim build, up to date and absolutely beyond anything i could have imagined. But i am letting my builder, Zach, proceed at his own pace. When we return in a few months everything will be new. But i will sill be there, as Ubar, but a different man. I hope I can do better in the future. I don't ask you to accept my apologies, but i only ask for a little understanding that, like you, i am human and flawed.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.
"Life is as a storm, one must be prepared for the hardship and scorn. But with in this is a light, one for which we must fight. For hope is our weapon and our dreams are our shield. When fully armed we can not be felled from the field."
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Theoden
Posts: 398
Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:20 am
SL Name: Theoden
Caste: Warrior

Re: A Ubar's confessional.

Postby Theoden » Sat Jul 19, 2014 8:54 pm

We're all human

When one puts a lot of time and energy into something, it is truly an investment, especially if it was at the cost of something else. Be it a sim, a war storyline, whatever. Conflicts of interest will always happen between sims.

It's why I think two cities on a single sim would ultimately be the only thing that works for war story lines with an ending, or two sims but same ooc administration.

The few times where it -has- worked in the past is too rare for one to gamble such immense time and effort on.

I'll respond to the AC war storyline ending the same as I would respond to the Kaelus war storyline ending: I don't agree that it should have ended the way it did, but I understand why it did

With that said, the guy who worked most on the AC war storyline on the Amhas side was Torolf. The rest of us in Amhas were just along for the ride really.
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Anarch Allegiere
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:01 am
SL Name: Anarch Allegiere

Re: A Ubar's confessional.

Postby Anarch Allegiere » Sat Jul 19, 2014 9:30 pm

@Darius: Indeed our views don't mesh. That much is obvious when one of the main arguments I remember was one in which I tried to argue for honesty instead of trying to manipulate OOC votes for RP bans in an alliance through made up stories, and you said that that just is the way things worked in BtB Gor. That said, very little of this bothers me anymore. I've grown so used to the state of BtB Gor over the past two or three years that nothing can really surprise me anymore.

I'm going to sound like a hard-ass now, but although confessionals and realizations of fault are a good sign of a new start and different approach and all, the real test comes from actually putting those words into practice. BtB Gor is full right now with people in positions of OOC leadership whose main interest is not at all in providing roleplay or roleplay opportunities.
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Sasi
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Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:16 am
SL Name: Sasi

Re: A Ubar's confessional.

Postby Sasi » Mon Jul 21, 2014 5:51 pm

Hey Darius!

Often, I feel the urge need to throttle you and I am sure that you as well :mrgreen:

But at the end, you have always been someone with whom discuss, argue, share ideas and I wanted to thank you for all the support you brought to Sage and I when we have been forced to deal with some old school Gor dudes in Turia! You have been open minded and fair, taking even the risk to lose an old member of your sim because he was wrong, defending Sage and I who were quite new in your sim.

Most sim owners should take example. Good luck with the new after build Turia!
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Torolf Fenrirson
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Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 9:15 pm
SL Name: firstleviathan
Caste: Torvaldslander
Role: Kur Hunter
AkA: The Mountain Troll

Re: A Ubar's confessional.

Postby Torolf Fenrirson » Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:24 am

Mom used to say that some learn by telling, some by showing, and the rest you have to actually set on fire. (to teach them what 'hot' means) Sometimes learning shit the hard way has the best results. All I can say is good luck with the sim in the future. For my part, it was just one more reason to get me out of Gor and where I am now, which is a much happier place for me. No hard feelings.

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