I am writing this post as a reflection and realization over the last four months I have been on hiatus. When i severed my time in Gor at the beginning it was weird. It was odd seeing things from an outside view once again. I had almost forgotten what it was like.
When you run a Sim that matters to you, its hard to govern it. Its almost the pure definition of conflict of interest. But unfortunately as the person who does the work there are few who are willing to do it with you. The people who did stand by me all these years were amazing people that most of you, if any, never got to know. The only thing you saw of us was an outside view. I have now truly been on both sides and there is a lesson here that i learned in which i will always carry with me. Everyone has more facets to them selves then you will ever see. Some will only see their anger. Some will only see their love. Some will only see their cold shoulder. But all of us will rarely truly ever get to know every facet of a person. But with my time off i feel my field of view of those facets around me has widened, and my new perspective also showed me the different facets of myself that my fanatical devotion to my city had blinded me to.
With this new realization I am able to truly reflect on my actions over the past three years. So I am coming here to make a few admissions and give a bit of information. I will not ask to be forgiven on my mistakes, i simply wish to speak them and make it known.
To Anarch - We were friendly at one time but our views on things dont mesh. You are still a jerk. Aside from that you were right with the situation in the SoS. The alliance set up was completely absurd in the end. it was more OOC then an IC alliance like it was meant to be. 90% of the time the sims that were less ic only in the alliance would run away with ooc votes and ruin potential rp in the future for others. I hate what it had become and im happy its tapered off now. I also agree with you that there were too many rp bans and invalids in the fights that had occurred. I have personally flown off the cuff far too many times in many of these situations and i am sorry for my behavior in my haste and anger. I had such great ideals. I had such high hopes, but through my fault and those around me we destroyed our own dreams. I do believe wrong was done on both sides and there are things i could say to you that you would never really understand or accept, so i am saying this for my own side. The rest does not matter.
Theo & Tor - You were part of the AC group and/or close to them. I admit this was a time of some of my greatest anger moments. Too many times i went too far, thinking i had the best intent. Feeling like i knew better and could direct a situation with more skill and knowlage then the others. In this i fell into my own trap of attempted dictatorship. As for good intentions, well we all know what the road to hell is paved with. I acted like a fool and an ass. I ruined a roleplay story like war that was great fun, i should have put more effort into resolving the situation but instead i manipulated it. I also ruined roleplay between myself and a couple of members of AC on a personal level that i should have handled differntly. I am sorry for the greif i have put you guys through regarding any and all of these situations.
I cant recall every situation or problem i have caused or been involved in with in the time i have been playing but i mention those that were really long standing for me. So for others who have had issue with me then i hope my words reach you and some understanding can be had.
In conclusion I will say that Turia is not gone. It is coasting along right now as is. Soon there will be a completely new sim build, up to date and absolutely beyond anything i could have imagined. But i am letting my builder, Zach, proceed at his own pace. When we return in a few months everything will be new. But i will sill be there, as Ubar, but a different man. I hope I can do better in the future. I don't ask you to accept my apologies, but i only ask for a little understanding that, like you, i am human and flawed.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this.
"Life is as a storm, one must be prepared for the hardship and scorn. But with in this is a light, one for which we must fight. For hope is our weapon and our dreams are our shield. When fully armed we can not be felled from the field."