Gorums (Substitute any forum here) is Ruining My SL Gor

[Kaitlin]

No but it isn't the Forums fault either.

[Glaucon]

And I post this JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THE LAST WORD (which it probably won't be).

LP FTW!

[Garrgon]

To the professional forum victim there isn't Garrgon. Be careful with that green pen you will be avoided in RP. May I borrow it?

Eww that just looks wrong.

*doodles on your thread*

I don't know if anyone does avoid me for RP, I certainly wouldn't know why unless they told me. In that case I'd probably just chuckle and click the X on the IM box. I might say something snarky like "And you're wasting my time with this, why?". I really don't care if someone avoids me just for an opinion or an attack of the mighty green pen of death. That's their issue, not mine. I'm open to rp'ing with just about everyone. If they're not with me, then that's not something I lay awake and fret over.

That's my official thoughts on the topic.

[Belle]

They haven't ruined my role play in Gor but there has been times when it's made me have a bad taste for it. The constant nitpicking and you're doing it wrong attitudes gets tiring after a time.

So I read these less and respond less. I like the bubble gum topics, myself. Some have said that makes me vapid. Guess I just don't need to scream my opinion from the rooftops to have one.

[Double Aa]

I just find this thread so interesting. Like 99% of the forum threads are someone bleating or complaining about how the lack of education or realism or whatever is RUINING THEIR SL GOR...but all of a sudden, it's not a problem anymore when they called out on it.

Here come the femlaws!

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug.

[All Sunday]

I just find this thread so interesting. Like 99% of the forum threads are someone bleating or complaining about how the lack of education or realism or whatever is RUINING THEIR SL GOR...but all of a sudden, it's not a problem anymore when they called out on it.

Here come the femlaws!

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug.

We're just venting... releasing stress on one another, if you talk to this people on a sunny day they're probably better than most.

[Frevet]

While I agree that these forums likely can affect people, the point where something entitely disconnects in my mind is when people seem to think these forums are full of bullies.

Ever met someone who -really- was bullied? I think they'd want to hit you (general you...I sometimes really hate english for the lack of a different expression) with a frying pan for comparing the two situations.

Usually? The 'victims' give me way more the chills than any so called bully.

@ Elle: I am still alive! I jumped in head first and so far, I haven't yet been infested with any nasty drama.

[Ghost]

When every I answer an OP I answer it as writ. I maintain that for me Gorums (Substitute any forum here) is Ruining My SL Gorthe answer remains no.

Yet this thread has meandered into something other, is there systematic bullying within this forum or other? I have seen the most horrendous bullying done in Gorean Forums. Bullying which consisted of the real victim's internet details being taken, private messages intercepted, veiled threats of FBI involvement to harm real victims husbands career, a catalogue of lies and smear tactics aimed at terrifying the real victim till they were forced to leave not one but every single forum they were a member of. Bullying so vicious and nasty that for a long while I refused to go near ANY FORUM. And all done so that the fake victim (the perpetrator who used others to do their dirty work) could cover their own tracks over an issue of theft, which the real victim was aware of.

This forum, is difficult to enter and feel like you are listened to with any sort of fair hearing, but that is common for many many established groups, be they the Vicars sewing circle or the board of a company. It requires work on the new entrants side. Having to earn a place does not equate to being bullied.

Keeping one name here and another in SL is not always out of fear of negatively being affected there by what is said here,sometimes its a simple matter of privacy or even not wanting what happens in SL to negatively affect how your words are perceived here. Does SL Gor ruin my forum time?

I was recently told that in the past, in character, I was scary, I laughed, I laughed a lot, after all IC I am role playing, and then I realised the person telling me was not only serious, but was relating the OOC comments of others, who had used my IC being scary, to obtain his OOC "protection". I stopped laughing and got quite annoyed. The vast majority of people will use some form of IC-OOC cross over IF it gets them what they want.

None of us really knows how others perceive us, we can repeat till we are blue in the face that we are only RPing or only presenting strong opinions, but we cannot entirely control the perceptions of others. I may write with a cool calm voice you may hear an hysterical rant, the lens we, as individuals view the world through colours and distorts what we see and hear. I detest real bullies, be they bullies in victims clothing or out and out bullies, if my perceptionof someone is they are a bully I walk away, I may be wrong about them, but it is my responsibility to know my own limits regarding what I will and won't tolerate.

Telling others to grow a thicker skin comes across as too dismissive, and to be frank rather callous, it always has sounded callous to me, that is my perception of that phrase.

I know I am repeating myself here, but if we deal with others with generosity, with tolerance and with an open mind, willing to accept that what works for us is not the only workable solution, that the role played conflicts need not be real conflicts, and that there is no single grey shirt, I do believe we create a much more positive atmosphere that enables all those niches I am so fond of to connect in unexpected and perhaps rewarding ways.


(for the love of Go* Ghost add commas!!!.)

[Lana Woodrunner]

When every I answer an OP I answer it as writ. I maintain that for me Gorums (Substitute any forum here) is Ruining My SL Gorthe answer remains no.

Yet this thread has meandered into something other, is there systematic bullying within this forum or other? I have seen the most horrendous bullying done in Gorean Forums. Bullying which consisted of the real victim's internet details being taken, private messages intercepted, veiled threats of FBI involvement to harm real victims husbands career, a catalogue of lies and smear tactics aimed at terrifying the real victim till they were forced to leave not one but every single forum they were a member of. Bullying so vicious and nasty that for a long while I refused to go near ANY FORUM. And all done so that the fake victim (the perpetrator who used others to do their dirty work) could cover their own tracks over an issue of theft, which the real victim was aware of.

This forum, is difficult to enter and feel like you are listened to with any sort of fair hearing, but that is common for many many established groups, be they the Vicars sewing circle or the board of a company. It requires work on the new entrants side. Having to earn a place does not equate to being bullied.

Keeping one name here and another in SL is not always out of fear of negatively being affected there by what is said here,sometimes its a simple matter of privacy or even not wanting what happens in SL to negatively affect how your words are perceived here. Does SL Gor ruin my forum time?

I was recently told that in the past, in character, I was scary, I laughed, I laughed a lot, after all IC I am role playing, and then I realised the person telling me was not only serious, but was relating the OOC comments of others, who had used my IC being scary, to obtain his OOC "protection". I stopped laughing and got quite annoyed. The vast majority of people will use some form of IC-OOC cross over IF it gets them what they want.

None of us really knows how others perceive us, we can repeat till we are blue in the face that we are only RPing or only presenting strong opinions, but we cannot entirely control the perceptions of others. I may write with a cool calm voice you may hear an hysterical rant, the lens we, as individuals view the world through colours and distorts what we see and hear. I detest real bullies, be they bullies in victims clothing or out and out bullies, if my perceptionof someone is they are a bully I walk away, I may be wrong about them, but it is my responsibility to know my own limits regarding what I will and won't tolerate.

Telling others to grow a thicker skin comes across as too dismissive, and to be frank rather callous, it always has sounded callous to me, that is my perception of that phrase.

I know I am repeating myself here, but if we deal with others with generosity, with tolerance and with an open mind, willing to accept that what works for us is not the only workable solution, that the role played conflicts need not be real conflicts, and that there is no single grey shirt, I do believe we create a much more positive atmosphere that enables all those niches I am so fond of to connect in unexpected and perhaps rewarding ways.


(for the love of Go* Ghost add commas!!!.)

Every single word of it - especially the last paragraph. Bravo.

[peanutQ]

First of all, to assume everyone here is emotionally well adjusted is as much a mistake as it is to do in the real world.

I agree with your points, but wanted to add a little bit regarding above. A person who is emotionally well adjusted, is someone who does actually feel some emotion when partaking in a forum debate or when in RP etc. A person who behaves/claims to be detached from emotions when debating in a forum, their RP too, is either a robot, or full of eeeeeeeet, and perhaps are not so well adjusted emotionally!

Regarding the OP. Thank you for discussing this, despite the critique's, I admire how thoughtful and open you have been. It's a strength, far above those who seem to think that being a bitter mean ass (behind a keyboard) is somehow better and above in comparison.

I don't think that any gorums actually ruin SL gor for people, not completely, perhaps a very few. However I have seen many, many people effected in a negative way by some threads or the way some people respond and attack for sure. There are some who post in here, that I would run the other way from in sl gor. Because i simply, really dislike your attitude and behavior in the gorums in general.

I wish that people in the gorums, would treat others with a tad more cordial respect, thought and care, as they damn well would and have learned to behave so in real. I totally get it when someone argues their point with passion and feeling, but there is nothing clever, likable or credible with those who consistently overtake other peoples point of view by condemning, belittling, labeling, ridiculing, and pulling apart a person's preference, understanding and choice of gor rp. Spitting on people claiming that they are "sugar coating" or belittling people who "speak up for others" comes across as nothing but bitter, and ugly.