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Saftey Tips for Noobs.

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 5:09 pm
by Ceri the Urt
I think one of the major issues for those who are new to Gor, BDSM, RP, or even the Internet in general is protecting themselves. Please post tips you can offer to keep those who may not know any better safe.

1. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE PERSONAL INFORMATION TO ANYONE ONLINE! You should NEVER feel forced, pressured, or blackmailed into giving out your personal information. This includes the following:
Your real name
Where you live
What you look like (real life pictures)
What you are doing
What you are wearing in real life
Where you work
Where you go to school (As well as what classes you are taking, etc)
Sexual orientation
Even what sex you actually are

2. Trust with your head, not your heart.
In other words, anyone can get online and wax poetic, the person can be the most wonderful man or woman on the planet, the best slave..best companion, best friend you ever had. They could be a fantastic rper, and amazing writer...but they could also be the opposite sex you think they are, and even if you hear them on skype, they could still be lieing about their entire life. That is the hardest thing about being online...you simply Do Not Know, as much as you want to think you do...you don't.

Short Story: Had a friend in HTML, wonderful girl, had been with her Master for years, talked to him on the phone, was madly in love and arranged to meet him. Against my advice, she sent money ahead for her lodging. When she got there, he forced her to babysit his kids while he went out and spent all of her money on his real girlfriend.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! If something just doesn't seem right, if things don't add up, if you have doubts...then go with your gut because you are probably right.

3. If you do decide to meet someone in real life take the following steps.
1. TELL PEOPLE where you are going, and who you are going to be meeting.
2. Arrange to call a friend/family member around a certain time each night to make sure you are alright.
3. Arrange a safe word to give the friend/family member on the phone if something has gone wrong and you can't outright tell them so they can call for help.
4. Stay in a Hotel and do NOT tell the person you are going to meet what hotel, just in case things go wrong. NEVER stay with the person.
5. NEVER send money ahead. If they ask for money to set you up...tell them you have taken care of it.
6. Meet the person in a place with a lot of other people. A mall, a restaurant, etc. Don't meet the person at their home, don't go home with them. Even if it goes well, if they truly care about you, they will understand your need to protect yourself and be patient enough to wait for you to be ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Game

1. EVERYONE has equal rights ooc. Even if you are a slave. You do not have to take ooc abuse EVER. IF someone is trying to guilt you, harass you, stalk you, you do NOT have to take it.

2. If a scene is making you really uncomfortable then IM the person/people involved and tell them your issue and ask for a compromise of some sort. Be polite when you do it, and if the person is an ass in return then feel free to tp out.


(Please feel free to add to this list!)

Re: Saftey Tips for Noobs.

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:15 pm
by Glaucon
4. Go with what you know about people. Some are many are lovely, honest, trustworthy, kind, funny, a hoot, intelligent, all of that at once. And many more are some of these nice things, but not all of them. So, someone may be very honest, but not be so friendly. Someone may be a lovely, kind and funny person, but not be very reliable. Someone may be completely trustworthy as an SL business-partner, but not be honest about real-life age, gender or about what he or she does for a living.

So, it is often best to keep in mind what you know about a person. If a person is a good RP-er, because you have seen it, you can count on that, for the most part. If someone shows up when they promised to show up, seems to do his/her best to do what they say they will do, you can come to the tentative conclusion that they are reliable and won't screw you over, normally. If someone seems really kind to you and others, most likely are. You can go by what they say (which works, the better you are at reading people), but seeing how people act, over time, that really is the only way to be sure.

And as for people being honest about real life, you can do nothing but guess, really, because nearly everything can be faked. People can even manage to sound just like Sting, if they have the right software. No real life pictures, video conferences or scanned documents will ever give you full certainty. Wild claims are tell-tale signs of someone not being overly honest about their real life, but even very believable stories can be false, and wild claims may be true. The best thing is simply to accept that and not to worry about it, unless you plan to meet them in real life, in which case all of Ceri's tips come in. Other than that, feel free to be 'trusting', but even when you trust someone it is always good to remeber what do and do not know about them.

Re: Saftey Tips for Noobs.

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 8:57 am
by All Sunday
My personal tip: When someone jumps in your IM's or accuses you keep your cool, don't shove it up his right away and lower to that kind of attitude. I'm not talking sugar coated but a calm way to figure what is the problem first with that person. Language differences, the fact we cannot use our tone of voice and show facial expressions limits our empathy.

Don't think the worst of a person right away.

Re: Saftey Tips for Noobs.

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:15 am
by Runt
Get to know and fully understand RLV before agreeing to use it. If at any time you are uncomfortable using it, even after agreeing, you DO have a right to stop and use your regular viewer again.

Re: Saftey Tips for Noobs.

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 am
by Ghost
Ceri the Urt wrote:I think one of the major issues for those who are new to Gor, BDSM, RP, or even the Internet in general is protecting themselves. Please post tips you can offer to keep those who may not know any better safe.

1. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE PERSONAL INFORMATION TO ANYONE ONLINE! You should NEVER feel forced, pressured, or blackmailed into giving out your personal information. This includes the following:
Your real name
Where you live
What you look like (real life pictures)
What you are doing
What you are wearing in real life
Where you work
Where you go to school (As well as what classes you are taking, etc)
Sexual orientation
Even what sex you actually are

2. Trust with your head, not your heart.
In other words, anyone can get online and wax poetic, the person can be the most wonderful man or woman on the planet, the best slave..best companion, best friend you ever had. They could be a fantastic rper, and amazing writer...but they could also be the opposite sex you think they are, and even if you hear them on skype, they could still be lieing about their entire life. That is the hardest thing about being online...you simply Do Not Know, as much as you want to think you do...you don't.

Short Story: Had a friend in HTML, wonderful girl, had been with her Master for years, talked to him on the phone, was madly in love and arranged to meet him. Against my advice, she sent money ahead for her lodging. When she got there, he forced her to babysit his kids while he went out and spent all of her money on his real girlfriend.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! If something just doesn't seem right, if things don't add up, if you have doubts...then go with your gut because you are probably right.

3. If you do decide to meet someone in real life take the following steps.
1. TELL PEOPLE where you are going, and who you are going to be meeting.
2. Arrange to call a friend/family member around a certain time each night to make sure you are alright.
3. Arrange a safe word to give the friend/family member on the phone if something has gone wrong and you can't outright tell them so they can call for help.
4. Stay in a Hotel and do NOT tell the person you are going to meet what hotel, just in case things go wrong. NEVER stay with the person.
5. NEVER send money ahead. If they ask for money to set you up...tell them you have taken care of it.
6. Meet the person in a place with a lot of other people. A mall, a restaurant, etc. Don't meet the person at their home, don't go home with them. Even if it goes well, if they truly care about you, they will understand your need to protect yourself and be patient enough to wait for you to be ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Game

1. EVERYONE has equal rights ooc. Even if you are a slave. You do not have to take ooc abuse EVER. IF someone is trying to guilt you, harass you, stalk you, you do NOT have to take it.

2. If a scene is making you really uncomfortable then IM the person/people involved and tell them your issue and ask for a compromise of some sort. Be polite when you do it, and if the person is an ass in return then feel free to tp out.


(Please feel free to add to this list!)


I wish I had a pound for every time someone said "I understand if you don't trust me but". Instantly you are putting that person in the position of potentially setting aside sound safe practice online by making them feel bad for not sharing information. People WILL google you! even the smallest details of your life can become clues to who you are. While there is no reason to distrust everyone you meet per se, if you are tempted to say the above please be aware that whether you intend it or not you are applying pressure they may not be comfortable with.