Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

For those we have loved...and lost...
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Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

Postby sparkle » Mon May 07, 2012 1:07 pm

There will be a Memorial for Mitra in Hellenos (outside the Temple)
May 7th at 5pm slt.

From Mistress Kaiila,
announced in the SL Goreans in the Relay For Life Group :

".. Mitra Lok death has been confirmed. She was devoted to relay for life She lived in many cities, and was a significant presence in each. Wherever she lived, she shared her knowledge and her story. When her illness kept her from being as active as she wanted, she retired to Hellenos. Mitra had a huge impact on my life in SL and was a true inspiration to me personally..."

Here was her why I relay from last year and you can read about her http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-636644
We will never give up!!
[i]"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances"[/i].
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Re: Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

Postby sparkle » Mon May 07, 2012 1:16 pm

These are Mistress Mitra Lok's own words that she gave to us. She explains "Why She relayed.." and share so much with us.

------------------------------------
"... Hi, it's me... mitra Lok. What you are about to read is the first ever entry on my website/blog regarding my cancer diagnosis and the feelings it evoked during those first few days/weeks of my journey. When my journey first began, I was a caregiver to my mother who was battling a rare sister cancer to Ovarian Cancer. My mother fought hard for two and a half years and we lost her just last year, 2010, shortly after the Relay for Life had ended. I myself have been battling for a little over a year now, Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and the Hemolytic Anemia that developed from that. Read on and I'll tell you more after you are done reading this entry of mine.
--------

I named my website "A Table for Two" because I now join my mother, Billie Pilalas on her journey through cancer with a journey of my own through cancer. It is almost as if she and I are sitting in some French Bistro and we've ordered the same thing only her food has a difference color sauce than mine. The only thing is, we've never been to France. *grins* Maybe some day.

Read about my mother's journey with cancer at "Billie's Journey" here on the Caring Bridge website.

Moments ago, I received the phone call from my doctor that told me I have joined a very elite group of people. I must say, I have joined those people crying out desperately for a cure for this dreaded disease that touches the lives of so many people, now including my own and those I love more than ever.

Thus far, this is what I know. I have what is called Extranodal Marginal Zone Lymphoma. I am told that "extranodal" means that it is OUTSIDE of the lymph node. Where is it coming from, we do not know.... yet. I have no doubt we will know more at some point in the future.

There. Now we all know the same thing, because that is all I know about the cancer that I am told I have.

What many of you may not have realized is that shortly before this latest go round with mother and her extended hospital stay in Memphis and shortly after the beginning of my last semester before graduation, I found a knot/bump/hard place on my right side towards my back, near my waist area. When I found it I thought to myself, "what is that". One of the first thoughts I had was "Omigosh I'm so fat even my fat is lumping up together!"

I had no clue what it was really but I had a feeling it didn't mean it was time to make some Rotel dip and throw a celebration party but instead meant something of a more somber note. I in turn called my doctor for an appointment and I saw my doctor's APN in short order.

I have always liked seeing her because she is incredibly thorough and won't color coat things. She is very straightforward and will spend time answering any question you may have about whatever condition you may have and has always had a wonderful bedside manner. She seemed concerned because this lump was not causing me pain. I also enjoy her care because she knows all about mother's journey with cancer and that I, as her caregiver and a full time college student, I don't always have much time. She will rush me in and out I will come good to go, most times. She has been very encouraging to me not only as an individual, but also as a student and caregiver.

That very day we scheduled an ultrasound appointment in a few days time and we left it at that. There really wasn't much more we could do at that time. My ultrasound appointment went off without a hitch and the waiting time began. This was the 16th of January. By the 18th of January, I had gotten the results of the ultrasound. The radiologist had commented that my lump was "worrisome for malignancy" and though it did sound ominous, without further testing it did not necessarily mean I had cancer. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that it did. Call it intuition or whatever, but I knew somehow.

Needless to say, after she had broken the news to me and we talked, she did her best to reassure me that it did not mean I had cancer but we needed to go further to make sure if I did or did not. We scheduled an appointment with a surgeon as soon as we could and I was to visit with him to discuss some sort of procedure so we could get a biopsy of my lump. Unfortunately, with the sudden onset of mother's latest illness detailed in her site, I was not able to make that appointment we made in early February to see the surgeon but instead I had to call him and tell him I couldn't make my appointment because I was in Memphis with my ill mother.

During those three weeks while with mother in the hospital, I didn't quite know what to do to be quite frank. I was worried endlessly about my mother and in truth, I left it all in God's hands and focused on mother. Naturally I did not tell my mother, she was in no condition to hear or deal with news like that. I could not tell my children because I didn't want to worry them in case Ms. Lumpy turned out to be nothing in particular. I did tell a couple of people what I had going on but swore them to secrecy since it just was not the time to have to deal with much more than mother and since my "secret" was such a mind blow and I wasn't in the position to do much else about it until I got back home. Admittedly, I did feel a few times that it was hurtful and scarey to put me on the backburner, again I gave it to God and let it be. Classic case of don't worry until you know you have something about, so I didn't.

Ok, that's a big fat fib. *grins*

Though I did focus on mother and her care it lay in the back of my mind constantly. I ran all sorts of scenerios through my mind. I couldn't sleep well at all. Those rare times when mother's condition would allow me to sleep, I couldn't. Then there would be times my body would just shut down and say "g'nite" and I would get an hour or two of sleep. I couldn't wait to get back home so I could reshedule my appointment with the surgeon and see what I could get done in regards to a biopsy! Don't forget I was caring for my mother as well during this time.

Needless to say, three weeks passed and the moment mother and I landed on familiar soil, I called the surgeon's office to reshedule. His nurse called me back with an appointment the very next day. I, of course, had to tell yet another white lie to mother, I was not and will not worry her unnecessarily most especially when she is not able to deal with it due to her own illness and weakness. Luckily, my sister was able to stay with mother while I went to my appointment. Though I did have to call and tell her I'd be a tiny bit later than I had planned when the surgeon decided that he could do the biopsy right then and there in his office that very day.

You see, he is also familiar with my situation since he is mother's doctor as well. So he knows I am her caregiver and also a full tiime student and in his words "you don't have time for this so let's deal with it now." I really didn't have time for this, he couldn't have been more right. I feel like I still don't have time for this. I have my mother to care for, how can this be happening now?

Needless to say, I lay there on my side in the surgeon's office while he gives me a local anethestic and proceeds to slice into my side and remove tissue samples to send off to a pathologist's office. I can recall how scared I was. I can feel the tears slide down my cheeks right now how they fellt that same day. I was alone, and some man was cutting into my side to see if he could cut a piece or two out of the lump I have in order to send it off to see if I had cancer. I can remember looking at the samples as they sat on the counter, examining them myself as if I actually could tell good or bad tissue from the next. I can remember praying for guidance and strength at that very moment in time.

I didn't have anyone to hold my hand and whisper reassurances to me that it would be ok. How could I? We were all scrambling as it was to take care of mother. Everyone works or goes to school. There simply was just no one else at that time to accompany me or let me put it this way. There was no one else that I was willing to let in on my secret that I could ask to accompany me that wasn't working or in school. :(

That was two weeks and two days ago. I have hidden six stitches in my side, from my entire family. I didn't want to have to say anything about it until I knew more. I didn't want to frighten my children. Though I did finally have to tell mother, while helping her we somehow got into an awkward position and I mentioned something about ripping stitches not thinking about it and well, the cat was out of the bag. Have you ever tried to keep something from your mother for an extended period of time? *laughs* It is not easy, trust me. Naturally she was upset and I of course was upset, I didn't want her to know yet until I knew I had something to worry about.

Well, after today's new, I now have something to worry about. Now, I worry about other things. I worry about how I am going to tell my children. I worry how I am going to tell my family. I worry about my sons and what they will do without me if I can't beat this cancer and find wellness again. I worry if I will be able to see my beautiful granddaughter graduate from College or get married. I worry but I don't because I know with everything in me, that God has a plan for me and he put this in my path for a reason and I am good with that. :)

I know I must tell everyone now, but for someone that had gotten so good with words, suddenly I find myself at a loss for them. How do you tell someone you love that you have a disease, one that could possibly be deadly for you, yet tell them not to worry about you that you'll be "fine" when you really don't know for sure that is true.

As you can see, I do not intend to hold back on this blog/journal/record of my illness. Not only is this for you all to keep up with what is going on with me, but it is also theraputic for me to examine my thoughts and say things that maybe I cannot find the air to actually put to words something but in pixels here on "A Table for Two", I am able.

Now, I have to find the words to tell those that I love that I have cancer and I am unsure what the road ahead has in store for me but that I love them endlessly and forever.

God Bless,
Dianna
aka - mitra Lok

-----------------

Hello again! Just an update for you all now that you've walked in my shoes so to speak. What you just read was the first few days and weeks of my life when I found out about my cancer. I have since developed a rare Autoimmune blood disease from the cancer called Hemolytic Anemia with a Warm Autoimmine Antibody. What that means basically is this. Due to the warm antibody, when my body temperature gets higher than 98.6 (normal), my antibodies run around my body and take a small bite out of all my red blood cells causing them to die prematurely. My bone marrow, where blood cells are made, cannot keep up with this constant supply and demand war going on inside of me, thus I have to get transfusions of blood from time to time. Thus far, I have had fifteen transfusions and I'm not even two years into my disease yet! I have a port placed in my chest so that when I am stuck for an IV I don't have to be stuck so often for lab work and the like after that. I have had chemo drip into my body for hours on end while I sit and watch. I managed to endure twenty five radiation treatments. I went every day for five weeks to get "fried". I am dependent on steroids and I take oral chemo daily to supress my immune system so my own body doesn't kill me. I am a real person and I fight every day to live.

This is one of the reasons this relay is so important to me and to people like me. The anemia I have developed from my cancer is rare and quite frankly there isn't much published about it. Trust me, I've researched it. We need research, research costs money.... MONEY, real money we're talking about. Millions of dollars are needed not just for research of my disease but for the diseases of others too. We are battling these horrid diseases every day and we are fighting so hard just to stay alive. WE need your dollars, we need those quarters, dimes and nickles desperately! We need your time in organizing these events and to be quite blunt, we need your money. There is no way around saying it or asking it. We need your money.

Your money might mean that I get to see my granddaughter grow up, go to college and get married.

THIS is why I relay.

Please, won't you donate today?

I wish you all well,
Mitra Lok


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Rest sweetly Mistress Mitra.
[i]"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances"[/i].
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Re: Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

Postby TreatRothschild » Mon May 07, 2012 1:39 pm

Rest in peace, Lady.
Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
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Re: Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

Postby Ceri the Urt » Mon May 07, 2012 2:33 pm

I have tears in my eyes...this is just so upsetting.

My heart goes out to her family, and friends. I cannot express how heartbroken I am by this news. She was Such a strong women.

I have supported the relay in the past...but truth be told I have slacked off..out of frustration, anger maybe. I have watched so many fundraisers, walks, runs, etc etc for Breast Cancer, Millions upon Millions of dollars raised but the treatments never seem to change...it makes a person wonder who is lining their pockets with our hopeful money.

But the relay is not just for breast cancer, it's for all cancer...including the rare ones like Mitra had. For her, I will relay again...in the post she wrote above she made me remember why we still have to fight. There are other cancers out there that need to be researched and cured.

Thank you Mitra, for being an inspiration, for being so strong. You will be missed.
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Re: Rest sweetly Mitra Lok - You will not be forgotten

Postby sparkle » Mon May 07, 2012 3:00 pm

Ceri the Urt wrote:I have tears in my eyes...this is just so upsetting.

My heart goes out to her family, and friends. I cannot express how heartbroken I am by this news. She was Such a strong women.

I have supported the relay in the past...but truth be told I have slacked off..out of frustration, anger maybe. I have watched so many fundraisers, walks, runs, etc etc for Breast Cancer, Millions upon Millions of dollars raised but the treatments never seem to change...it makes a person wonder who is lining their pockets with our hopeful money.

But the relay is not just for breast cancer, it's for all cancer...including the rare ones like Mitra had. For her, I will relay again...in the post she wrote above she made me remember why we still have to fight. There are other cancers out there that need to be researched and cured.

Thank you Mitra, for being an inspiration, for being so strong. You will be missed.



*Offers a hug* knowing this one feels tears too.... but for two distinct reasons.

- It is sooo sad to know Mitra has passed but knows She is still in so many peoples hearts that She will always walk with us in the journey for a cure, she was passionate in that. Remembers walking the 24hour relay track last year for a while with Her. She was interested in others.. their stories of why they relay... she had a way of communicating to so many.. about Relay..and about Goreans. It is sad that She will not be there for the big relay track weekend this year but ... this one will walk each lap.. for Mistress Mitra..and for everyone touched by Cancer.

- the second reason for the tears... is Mistress Mitra ..will be beaming down to see that Her words... Her Relay.. touched you, inspired you... and that is what She wanted.

Relay For Life is the way we will find the cure. Hoping that each time a research milestone is achieved.. it unlocks prevention, treaments and moves us closer to that goal.. A Cure for all Cancer
... We Relay.. "one Team... one World.... ONE CURE"

Had to just mention that at times it does frustrate, one knows that it can often seem that way in terms of treatments. Only recently in the UK... researchers have identified sub-groups of Breast Cancer using gentic fingerprinting... although this is not the cure we all so want, it does bring hope that by knowing more... we can move towards new treatments... prevention.. and cure. With funding .. research and treatments, education and awareness.. can change ... can make that difference.
(here is the article : http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/scientists-hail-revolutionary-breast-cancer-breakthrough-7660559.html )

Tears are filled with smiles knowing that Mistress Mitra....is still doing.. what She always did.... She inspires..and always will!

Hugs you ceiri.
[i]"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances"[/i].
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