There are a few reasons I chose the role. First, I was fascinated by it. It represented that side of me I rarely, if ever, let anyone see.
Growing up in a culture where the word "submission" was hammered into a woman's psyche, I supressed that (and a whole lot of other feelings) and chose rebellion to the concept. I showed independence and individuality where neither were celebrated in women. As a result, I was one of the few to leave four years of college without a husband. Silly, really to think of that as anything negative, but being engaged by the end of your sophomore year, married before your senior year, and if you graduated having one toddler and one hanging off you nursing was a somewhat common occurence. I baffled people because I refused to give in to the norm.
I spent many years continuing to supress that urge to yield my spirit and built a HUGE wall. Why? Because in that very culture where I spent all those years, the men I saw as "dominant" oftentimes were overbearing and refused to allow a woman to be strong or even have an opinion (insert, ' and your point is'? here). I knew women who were beaten regularly and verbally abused. I knew one woman who was given detailed lists of what to buy at the grocery store. If she strayed from the list in one single detail, the food was thrown at her and she was ordered to go back and get more. If she baked the cookies and they were a little too brown on the edges, the hot pan was thrown at her. She stayed for seven years. Because women didn't leave their husbands. If their husbands were abusive, the woman must have done something wrong.
Back to the why. That wall - it made me become cold. You can't deny a natural part of who you are for too long. I am naturally giving and compassionate. So when I heard about this place where men ruled and women drooled
I was curious. And after talking to several people who had been in the genre for a very long time, it was affirmed over and over again that if I wanted a role that was more true to my own nature, slave was the role.
In a sense, I took the easy way out. Now in RL? I've had to be the strong one for so very long, I doubt there are more than two or three people who actually see any submissive tendencies in me. SL is my chance to let go and not have to decide. It's my place where I know rules are clearly defined, boundaries are set, and being a performance-driven personality, I know what I need to do to get a smile ICly, of course, from whatever dominant I'm around.
not sure if that answered the question, but thanks for making me think about it a bit.